Posts Tagged ‘attachment’

sleep pretty darling, do not cry

Tuesday, March 16th, 2010

It’s amazing how when the penny drops and we realise that her behaviour is stemming from fear and abject terror at the prospect of losing someone/everything again (as she did when she was only 18 mo old), how much easier it is to bear that behaviour from her, how much easier it is to keep cool. It’s frustrating feeling so thick sometimes and thinking back on all the times I have lost my temper with her, if I could just remember, if I could just hold on to the fact that in all of her willfulness, in all of her stubborn, selfish, sometimes seemingly nasty outbursts, that she is just a scared little girl who needs me to stay calm and reliable, more than anything.

And that I love her more than she could ever imagine.

I love you, go away.

Sunday, March 14th, 2010

Flower and I didn’t have the easiest of times last week. So many of the old behaviours and rejections came rushing back to test my still very new found and a bit shaky stability.

A conversation we had, several times last week:

Flower: I’m scared of you mummy.
me: What was that?
Flower: I’m scared of you mummy.
me: oh! Why are you scared of me, Flower?
Flower: Because I love you.
me: What??
Flower: Because I love you.

ouch.

The first time she said it, I thought it could just have been a confused mush of words (she’s very good at confused mushes of words and concepts that don’t go together so well), but after several times, and the context around when she said it, I am certain she knew exactly what she meant. Even if she could not completely understand it.

Mummy did.

Flowers are red young man…

Thursday, October 1st, 2009

I’ve had a rough afternoon. I’m not going to shout about it here, in fact, I am learning more and more that, especially in regards to issues like these, where I must stand alone in my opinions, but find a way to stand up for them all the same. It is best not to say anything at all. I know it just invites invalidation. But, once again, my definition of what is right, doesn’t match everyone else’s. But I still think it’s right.

I’ve had a rough afternoon, and the love I feel for my daughter has almost never been stronger than it has been recently and my wanting the best for her has almost never been stronger, and my fighting spirit, like that Momma bear protecting her cub, has almost never been stronger. It’s just hard when a mum defines ‘the best’ differently to how everybody else does, when they simply can’t see what I’m talking about.

But then I’ve felt a bit lately like someone who has been trying to cope having lost one of their senses that they usually rely on. I’ve felt a bit lately like I’m not ‘clicking’ with other people quite right. I’ve felt like I’ve lost my social awareness. I’ve felt a bit like an alien again.

I’ve had a rough afternoon, and all I can think of is this song. And reading it, I am crying again. And I haven’t actually done that in awhile now. Until today.

Flowers are Red
by Harry Chapin

The little boy went first day of school
He got some crayons and started to draw
He put colors all over the paper
For colors was what he saw
And the teacher said.. What you doin’ young man
I’m paintin’ flowers he said
She said… It’s not the time for art young man
And anyway flowers are green and red
There’s a time for everything young man
And a way it should be done
You’ve got to show concern for everyone else
For you’re not the only one

And she said…
Flowers are red young man
And green leaves are green
There’s no need to see flowers any other way
Than they way they always have been seen

But the little boy said…
There are so many colors in the rainbow
So many colors in the morning sun
So many colors in the flower and I see every one

Well the teacher said.. You’re sassy
There’s ways that things should be
And you’ll paint flowers the way they are
So repeat after me…..

And she said…
Flowers are red young man
And green leaves are green
There’s no need to see flowers any other way
Than they way they always have been seen

But the little boy said…
There are so many colors in the rainbow
So many colors in the morning sun
So many colors in the flower and I see every one

The teacher put him in a corner
She said.. It’s for your own good..
And you won’t come out ’til you get it right
And are responding like you should
Well finally he got lonely
Frightened thoughts filled his head
And he went up to the teacher
And this is what he said.. and he said

Flowers are red, green leaves are green
There’s no need to see flowers any other way
Than the way they always have been seen

Time went by like it always does
And they moved to another town
And the little boy went to another school
And this is what he found
The teacher there was smilin’
She said…Painting should be fun
And there are so many colors in a flower
So let’s use every one

But that little boy painted flowers
In neat rows of green and red
And when the teacher asked him why
This is what he said.. and he said

Flowers are red, and green leaves are green
There’s no need to see flowers any other way
Than the way they always have been seen.

toddler linguistics – the continuing story

Wednesday, March 11th, 2009

things i wish my daughter wouldn’t say:

– NO mummy
– no mummy today (usually acompanied by shoving me away)
– no [whatever it is i want her to do] today
– it’s MINE
– i WON (usually coming after declaring NO to something or a tantrum)
– daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy daddy [with adoring worshipful gaze towards him usually said after declaring 'no mummy today' with a shove]

things i love when my daughter says:

– pick – YOU – UP [with arms upstretched] (this is most often a declaration of her feeling a bit vulnerable and wanting reassurance that i’m there for her)
– i did it!
– mummy mummy mummy mummy (this always comes in conjunction with the ‘daddy daddy’ phrase, but whereas the daddy daddy phrase mostly stands alone as a declaration of preferance and as such is unwelcome, the two parental phrases combined are a welcome occasional acknowledgement that the three of us make a whole. . . it doesn’t happen often, but i love it when it’s there)

and most of all:

– luff you. (i don’t think she quite understands what it means yet, but she’ll only ever say it in response to me if she’s in a happy mood, so i think she’s getting the idea that whatever ‘luff’ is, is a good thing.)